Sad Kermit

Why Rolf? Of all the Muppets...why Rolf? Scott Muoio mentioned that it would have been way funnier if Kermit did his thing with Gonzo...

Softball Team Administers 64-0 Beat Down

Not even in the lackluster history of the Cobra Kai Softball Dojo has a beat down like this made it past three innings. The rule in Washington high school athletics stipulates a 10-run mercy rule after five innings. So apparently that means Woodinville's softball machine was on pace to score 90 runs in a seven-inning game.

From a Seattle Times article by Michael Ko:

Weir said he was "shocked" by the final score after the March 21 game ended. He said he was concentrating more on making sure his players were playing the game right and had lost count of the score.

"If anything positive can come out of this, it's that we can implement some new rules so this never happens again," Weir said.

Eddie Griffin Destroys Enzo

This calls to mind my favorite lines from the movie "The Rock":

San Francisco Hippy - Dude. You just fucked up your Ferrari.
Nicholas Cage - It's not mine.



An understeering car goes through the fence nose-first; an oversteering car goes through the fence tail-first; a neutral steering car goes through the fence sideways.

I love how auto junkies are saying "oh that was total understeer in a tight corner". No shit it was understeer...it was NO steer! Did he even see the turn?

Who autocrosses a $1.5 million Ferrari with barricades less than 10 meters from the cones? Who lets Eddie Griffin autocross their Ferrari? Piece of advice: someone hands you the keys to a car that hot, it better be for driving in a straight line on a runway...or just hand 'em back.

Tiger Woods Golf on the Wii

Tiger playing Wii in his living room.

Gyroball

Is it real? Is it just a screwball in disguise or a knuckleball that rotates sideways? Will it actually help the Red Sox compete? Well, I hope it doesn't help those Red bastards but it is interesting nonetheless.



CNN Story on the Gyroball

Wikipedia Article on the Gyroball

Flamepoint Siamese Watching Birds

As thanks for yet another great vacation in Vail, I took this video of Aunt Pammie's cat watching the birds. Drambuie is a Flamepoint Siamese.

Seattle Weather (Wall Fungus)

Snow. Wind storm. More snow. Fifty-car pileups. Impenetrable cloud cover. This has been the crappiest winter I've ever seen. It is so moist here in the soggy Northwest that we have fungus growing out of the walls here at our apartment. Check out how the plaster layer is being pushed away from the joist...and out pops the mushroom!

Wrestlers on Steroids? No Shit, Sherlock.

This is news? What's next for the front page of CNN.com?

"Beavers Linked to Deforestation"

"Scientists: Rabbits Enjoy Fucking"

You know, I really feel that Kurt Angle's WWF championship will forever be tainted. I propose that all wrestlers who carried a belt from 1990 to the present day have asterisks placed by their names in the record books.

But now that the media has broken this incredible expose story we can celebrate the end of the steroids era in wrestling; just like how no baseball players use steroids anymore because some guys wrote a book. Link to SI.com article.

Airbus A380

Holy mother of crap; this thing is big. Check out the CNN video of the A380 landing at LAX. Despite the fact that this jet is a ridiculous business strategy and that Boeing is currently kicking ass with 787 sales, you can't hold back the red-blooded American instinct to just love really big, noisy, ostentatious machines.

CNN Video of A380 Landing at LAX

Size Comparison of A380 to Other Large Aircraft

Farting Pig

Can't resist. I love this little guy.

Seattle Viaduct Vote (Alaskan Way Viaduct)

I think I need to go back to school and figure out how democracy works. Seattle voters turned down both proposed options for the Seattle viaduct. That's right, voters were given the option to vote yes or no on both proposals.

Instead of letting our elected officials do their jobs and make difficult decisions about the future of our city, we turn all issues over to a vote and then allow the masses to put them into gridlock. Nice.

That's it. We're moving to Texas.

Seattle Times article on the vote.

St. Patrick's Day Dash Seattle Official Results

Here's a link to the PDF of official results from the Henry Weinhard's St. Patrick's Day Dash in Seattle on 11 March 2007:

http://www.onlineraceresults.com/pdf/4964.pdf

St. Patrick's Day Dash Seattle

Here's my Google Maps measurement of the Henry Weinhard's St. Patrick's Day Dash in Seattle. If you use the o'fficial course measurement on USATF.org you'll notice that it isn't traced quite right. I get 3.35 miles on my measurement.

http://www.gmap-pedometer.com/?r=763201

Who knows when o'fficial results will be posted? Only God. That's who. Despite the fact that the timing is done by a computer and that computers these days have this amazing ability to connect to the "Internets", results will probably post in two to three weeks.

If you used a stopwatch and want to get your exact pace, go to Cool Running's Pace Calculator.

Approximate mile split pacing:

04:30 - 15:05
04:45 - 15:55
05:00 - 16:45
05:15 - 17:35
05:30 - 18:25
05:45 - 19:15
06:00 - 20:06
06:15 - 20:56
06:30 - 21:46
06:45 - 22:36
07:00 - 23:27
07:15 - 24:18
07:30 - 25:07
07:45 - 25:57
08:00 - 26:48
08:15 - 27:38
08:30 - 28:29
08:45 - 29:19
09:00 - 30:09
09:15 - 30:59
09:30 - 31:49
09:45 - 32:40
10:00 - 33:30

O'fficial site: http://www.stpatsdash.com/

Cancun Vacation 2006 Meets Carl Lewis

It has been nearly seven years since I last released a video, a shamefully long span given my obvious talents and high-brow taste in humor. Please enjoy the newest Martin8 Studios production, Elizabeth and Dave's Cancun Vacation 2006.



A special thanks goes to nine-time Olympic Gold Medalist Carl Lewis.

South Park N-Word

Matt Stone and Trey Parker haven't lost their touch after all these years.

All the YouTube clips of this are down so you have to go straight to the Comedy Central source for the infamous "Wheel of Fortune" bit.

Click on the image to go to the Comedy Central South Park page for clips from this episode. Or just click here.

BMW 335i Coupe Test Drive

The only thing better than watching this German Rick Steves doppelganger flog the shit out of an E92 is listening to ze German commentator.

I can only imagine that he is saying "all our roads in Deutschland are mountainous, twisty, and abandoned. Zat is why we all drive ze sporty automobiles."

The only English I picked up in the whole thing was "tvin tuhrbo".

Sweet.

Walk It Out Penguins

I wish this was the real music video for this song:

It's No Laser Cats (Charlie The Unicorn)

Charlie the Unicorn is EXACTLY why I don't smoke weed or drop acid. It reminds me of the "Mr. Narwhal" scene in Elf. Well, 3.5 million YouTube views can't be wrong...

Laser Cats Rule

I think I'm now more obsessed with Laser Cats than I was with Real Ultimate Power.

Figured Out My Halloween Costume (Laser Cats)

Okay, so this is really old news and I'm sure its been done a million times over by now but I don't care. I just caught on to this and I am definitely going as Admiral Spaceship for Halloween 2007. Done. Now just seven months to get my costume together...gonna need a football helmet, aluminium foil, and some stuffed cats.

Laser Cats I:
http://www.nbc.com/Video/videos/snl_1445_lasercats.shtml

Laser Cats II:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3qUcPEIw2c

The Annual Vegas Man-Trip

Every year this rally cry from Jacob Rhoades comes at an earlier date. In about 10 years it will actually coincide with the previous year's trip.

And that, I think, was the handle - -that sense of inevitable victory over the forces of Old and Evil. Not in any mean or military sense; we didn't need that. Our energy would simply prevail. We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave. So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Las Vegas and look West, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark - that place where the wave finally broke and rolled back.

Men.

The engaged. The married. The working. We simple, stupid Men.

It's March 1st, which means we're 3 months away from June. Which means its time to start thinking of forced air conditioning, brutal desert sun, and the nice, oh so very nice, swimming pools of Las Vegas - its spanish for...The Vegas.

June 7-10th. A celebration - and a funeral of sorts. Yours truly turns 30.

Start mulling it over. Put it in the calendar. More info to come in the forthcoming weeks.

Jacob

Also see Jayson McIvor's photos of the 2006 adventure.